Horrible Clients

Anyone every work Customer Service? Ever wanted to just hide in a corner until the end of time after work - or heck, right in the middle of work?

Yeah, me too.

Today, every client who called wanted to yell at or about me for no reason. Two people didn't want to pay for the work we had done, one person said I hadn't been "cooperating" (by not returning people's calls... calls that we actually never got. Why in the world would I just not return calls? Oh, right, because I hate getting paid. Forgot. Yeah right.), and one who wanted to yell because apparently calling to follow up on a design is "not nice". For real. "Not nice". He said that probably about 11 times, then I finally asked if I could please speak freely and told him we didn't mean any disrespect and were in fact trying to make his life easier and under no circumstances would call him again.

What did I learn? People are completely unaware of how they affect others.

Often times when people call and yell, the truth is that something else is stressful for them. Maybe they're having problems at home. Maybe they're worried about money.

Or maybe they just can't help feeling blue.

But the truth of the matter is that no matter how grumpy they are, you always, always have to do one thing:

Fucking stand up for yourself.

And you know what? If you cry afterwards, that's ok. If you need to go rant to everyone around you about how unbelievably stupid people are, that's ok. If you need to write a whole bunch of scathing, nasty, unforgiveable notes in their file to warn everyone, that's ok. As long as while you're speaking with them, you fucking defend yourself.

I had to do it multiple times today, and by the end of the day, I was sick to death of two words: "I'm sorry". Yeah, you are, and I have to be too because I represent this company, but mostly I'm sorry that you have such a lack of control that you can't help but take out your anger on some unsuspecting soul who is just trying to do their job with a smile.

After all the yelling, I got pretty upset, beat myself up a little, then remembered (with a lot of help from an awesome colleague) that I'm a badass. I defended myself and my whole company against five giant dick bags today, and I won. I'm moving to Germany in December, that's huge. I moved to Argentina for four months, got fired, moved while I was there, found a new (and better) job, and madeout with a long lost love, all before I was twenty. I went to school in a town I barely knew and made a name for myself. I'm living in a big city, proving every day that you totally can make a life for yourself before you're twenty-five. Even so, I know for sure I didn't do this alone, and even better, I know I'll never have to.

I am so lucky. We are all so lucky. We have friends who love us, and friends who will support us, and people who will stick by you when you stand up for yourself and get in trouble for it, and who will defend you those times that you can't. I was picked on a lot as a kid, and to this day I can hear a lot of different voices saying "you gotta toughen up" "you can't defend yourself" "you're hopeless", etc, countered by "why are you so defensive? " "you know you've got kind of an unnecessary temper" "whoa, whoa, relax, I'm just sayin'...". Do you hear those too? People pick on you?

Fuck those guys. Stick with people who stick with you and who will fight alongside you when you're strong, and fight for you when you're weak. And remember to be that person too, because that in itself makes you stronger.

Also don't forget, work is only temporary, it doesn't have to be who you are. You'd be surprised how loved you feel when you express how miserable you are. You might even have a boss who listens, says nothing, disappears, then twenty minutes later arrives with surprise ice cream to make you feel better. Everybody has bad days. It usually means you're trying too hard, so give yourself a break. You deserve it!

The bad in the world brings out the good in your friends. We're all very, very lucky.

-R

The Tidal Waves

That song "Waves" by Robin Schulz really speaks to me right now. Wave after wave is right... and the waves endlessly keep on coming.

Today is a big-ass wave. I found a job posting for a wicked good job at a hospital, working with kids in rehabilitation - this is perfect for me! It's a puppetry job, so it fully requires all of the skills I acquired doing my undergrad degree, plus the skills I am trying to hone for my Master's in Counselling Psychology.

Paid work that's relevant? Uhm, yes please! The next step in this direction would be to update my resume, have it edited, and send it along in the hopes that I am what they're looking for.

Additionally, I was just hired for a trial shift with a very high profile Events company here in the city. My first day is what I'm waiting for - they pay almost as much as I make now as a starting wage, and their staff is very friendly and so much fun. I did a lot of events during school and in many of my previous jobs and honestly have missed the interactions with people, as well as the running around it provides. Exercising at work has got to be one of my favourite passtimes!

Although, chillin' is ok too

The tricky thing for me right now is finding something that will pay for me to move to Europe. There is nothing I want more in the whole world than to be able to hang out with my amazing boyfriend in Germany, starting in December. The two of us are a great team, and we're much stronger when we can be together. When I went to visit in May, I was surprised and delighted at how easy it was for us to be in sync, even after having been apart for so long. He was impressed at how quickly I made friends, and how much more German I was trying while I was there. 

Although you would never guess, I'm a very shy person when it comes to speaking other languages. Something about saying it wrong, or being told the wrong translation, really impedes me so I'm reluctant to make myself vulnerable. Being in Germany was awesome for that, because I had no choice but to trust him. He totally came through for me without any hesitation, and wanted me to come back the second I left. 

So yes, that is the plan. At this point, I am unsure about what the pay will be, which is a problem for staying in Germany longer, but it's still definitely worth applying. Besides, if the other job works out, then I'm all set, right? You'd think... but those tidal waves of anxiety, followed by exhausted calm, keep rolling in unexpectedly and they can be hard to weather. Most of this stress comes to people my age through their employment opportunities

Employment opportunities create a one wave, the all or nothing wave, which then creates the stress. It's often feast or famine, especially when you're undergoing a career change. If you're anything like me and you are doing one thing but really want to be doing another, just keep your eyes open. Something, at some point, will pop up that encompasses both what you do and what you want to do. When that happens, just take it! Ride the wave right into the harbour of your dream job and set up camp immediately when you get there.

Also: Don't get trapped. If you're trapped something, the wave won't have the ability to free you. That is not something you want. Get out from behind the rock, descend the tree, unlock the cage. Do whatever you need to do, but most importantly, ride the waves you seek. Surfing is way easier than you think.

-R

Let's Begin

Are you stressed? I sure am.

If you're anything like me, you worry. About everything.

This blog is going to be a huge tornado of the worries that plague us in everyday life, and how I am attempting to weather the storm without wasting time, and while forcibly staying calm. Hopefully as you read, you will find techniques to help you with your stress. I, for one, hope that whatever stress you feel, it is less manageable and temporary. If you don't believe it is, just remind yourself of what Yoda said all those years ago. Those immortal words that are forever true, forever comforting:

"This, too, shall pass"

                                                           "Wise all I say is" 

Today's exploration of stress will focus on a problem many of us have...

                                          BEING STUCK IN A LOOP

I hate my job.

Do you hate your job? Do you wake up in morning, dreading work, wishing you could be anywhere else but dragging yourself there before you have to pay the bills somehow? I sure do.

I went to school for Theatre Tech which at the time made perfect sense to me. I've always been really artsy, kind of dramatic, very sensitive and addicted to physical activity over pretty much anything else. It seemed like a slam dunk for me.

For four years I was happier than a chinchilla in a dust bath as I blasted through the system, making toy boxes, painting sets, dealing with actors, and basically loving life as a scenic painter in training. Life was good and fruitful and positive, right up until about 6 months after graduation.

First job: Working in a factory-like Halloween park hating my life. We got no respect and were paid significantly less than a living wage. At the end of that I decided to learn more about business administration and got a job as an administrative assistant at a specialized artisan shop in the city... where I am now. Paperwork is so not my thing...

Here are the problems:
1) I gotta pay my bills, so I can't just quit.
2) I'm moving to Germany in December, so now is not the time for something new
3) I need money to move to Germany, so I gotta keep something that pays well.

Here are the pros:
1)I have a degree in scenic painting and am part of the local Film Technicians Union, so I should be able to get work.
2) I have some great references for scenic painting and it hasn't been that long since my last job, therefore my skills are still good.
3) If I do this, I will have a much better chance of getting a job in Germany, working for their tv network. Supposedly I know someone with a connection there...
3) Everyone is very supportive and believes in me.
4) It's super casual, so when I don't want to work, I don't work.
5) Once you're in, you're in.
6) I may have an in with an event staffing company which is such a fun job. For those of you who have never worked events, it's essentially serving but with a fixed menu, and you move around from venue to venue. It's a lot of fun, and requires you to act like a psychologist which is going in the right direction.
7) I wouldn't go to work every day feeling like I was wasting my life, and honestly probably not doing a very good job.

Here are the cons:
1) I don't want to be a scenic painter forever, but rather go back to school for counselling psychology.
2) If I don't do this (quit and try to work for the union) I may lose my one trade I can do and be forced to do nothing, or paperwork, forever.
3) If I quit an risk everything, I may not have the money to go to Germany or go back to school.

So. I am stuck in a loop. Also, I pay for all of my own stuff and just got shelves for my apartment, so I am terrified to lose what I've built. At this point though, I really only have five months to worry about until I leave for Germany, and I can always pay for school later. School will always be there, but my sanity may not be.

TODAYS SOLUTION:

1) Build the shelves.
Yes. That is my solution. Upon writing all this down, I realized one thing: I am stuck in a perpetual loop of not moving forward because I fear the unknown road ahead. I have had these shelves for a week now, after saying I wanted them for six months. The only reason they aren't together is because I feel as though I'm moving tomorrow and I don't want to be stuck. Once my stuff is unpacked, I won't feel that way anymore. Once my stuff is unpacked, I'll actually be able to see what I have which will let me see what I don't need, which will allow me to prepare for life 6 months from now.

If I move out, I can rent my room as "furnished". Bonus.

If I get kicked out, I can make some money back by selling my furniture. Bonus.

If I stay, I'll be comfortable. Bonus.

It will allow me to actually be organized in my room, which will most definitely help me organize my thoughts. Bonus.

I will make more art because I can see my materials. Bonus.

It will challenge this loop I'm in. The Goal.

The most important thing to remember when you're dealing with a loop is that no matter what you do, if it is different than what you've been doing, it will begin to break the loop. In many circumstances we find ourselves stuck in loops because of uncertainties, like the ones I've been listing in this post (this unbelievably long post), which stem usually from a lack of understanding about what is most important to you.

I still don't know what I'm going to do, whether I'll quit or not, but at least once my shelves are built I will have the option to paint at home again, and that's really what matters. It is the first step to reminding myself that my skills have not suffered during this break, and that I can take control of my time and make something happen with it.

So, to sum up, the next time you're stressed because you're in a loop, just do something. Anything. Organize your thoughts. Build yourself some shelves.

Thanks for reading,

-R