Let's Begin

Are you stressed? I sure am.

If you're anything like me, you worry. About everything.

This blog is going to be a huge tornado of the worries that plague us in everyday life, and how I am attempting to weather the storm without wasting time, and while forcibly staying calm. Hopefully as you read, you will find techniques to help you with your stress. I, for one, hope that whatever stress you feel, it is less manageable and temporary. If you don't believe it is, just remind yourself of what Yoda said all those years ago. Those immortal words that are forever true, forever comforting:

"This, too, shall pass"

                                                           "Wise all I say is" 

Today's exploration of stress will focus on a problem many of us have...

                                          BEING STUCK IN A LOOP

I hate my job.

Do you hate your job? Do you wake up in morning, dreading work, wishing you could be anywhere else but dragging yourself there before you have to pay the bills somehow? I sure do.

I went to school for Theatre Tech which at the time made perfect sense to me. I've always been really artsy, kind of dramatic, very sensitive and addicted to physical activity over pretty much anything else. It seemed like a slam dunk for me.

For four years I was happier than a chinchilla in a dust bath as I blasted through the system, making toy boxes, painting sets, dealing with actors, and basically loving life as a scenic painter in training. Life was good and fruitful and positive, right up until about 6 months after graduation.

First job: Working in a factory-like Halloween park hating my life. We got no respect and were paid significantly less than a living wage. At the end of that I decided to learn more about business administration and got a job as an administrative assistant at a specialized artisan shop in the city... where I am now. Paperwork is so not my thing...

Here are the problems:
1) I gotta pay my bills, so I can't just quit.
2) I'm moving to Germany in December, so now is not the time for something new
3) I need money to move to Germany, so I gotta keep something that pays well.

Here are the pros:
1)I have a degree in scenic painting and am part of the local Film Technicians Union, so I should be able to get work.
2) I have some great references for scenic painting and it hasn't been that long since my last job, therefore my skills are still good.
3) If I do this, I will have a much better chance of getting a job in Germany, working for their tv network. Supposedly I know someone with a connection there...
3) Everyone is very supportive and believes in me.
4) It's super casual, so when I don't want to work, I don't work.
5) Once you're in, you're in.
6) I may have an in with an event staffing company which is such a fun job. For those of you who have never worked events, it's essentially serving but with a fixed menu, and you move around from venue to venue. It's a lot of fun, and requires you to act like a psychologist which is going in the right direction.
7) I wouldn't go to work every day feeling like I was wasting my life, and honestly probably not doing a very good job.

Here are the cons:
1) I don't want to be a scenic painter forever, but rather go back to school for counselling psychology.
2) If I don't do this (quit and try to work for the union) I may lose my one trade I can do and be forced to do nothing, or paperwork, forever.
3) If I quit an risk everything, I may not have the money to go to Germany or go back to school.

So. I am stuck in a loop. Also, I pay for all of my own stuff and just got shelves for my apartment, so I am terrified to lose what I've built. At this point though, I really only have five months to worry about until I leave for Germany, and I can always pay for school later. School will always be there, but my sanity may not be.

TODAYS SOLUTION:

1) Build the shelves.
Yes. That is my solution. Upon writing all this down, I realized one thing: I am stuck in a perpetual loop of not moving forward because I fear the unknown road ahead. I have had these shelves for a week now, after saying I wanted them for six months. The only reason they aren't together is because I feel as though I'm moving tomorrow and I don't want to be stuck. Once my stuff is unpacked, I won't feel that way anymore. Once my stuff is unpacked, I'll actually be able to see what I have which will let me see what I don't need, which will allow me to prepare for life 6 months from now.

If I move out, I can rent my room as "furnished". Bonus.

If I get kicked out, I can make some money back by selling my furniture. Bonus.

If I stay, I'll be comfortable. Bonus.

It will allow me to actually be organized in my room, which will most definitely help me organize my thoughts. Bonus.

I will make more art because I can see my materials. Bonus.

It will challenge this loop I'm in. The Goal.

The most important thing to remember when you're dealing with a loop is that no matter what you do, if it is different than what you've been doing, it will begin to break the loop. In many circumstances we find ourselves stuck in loops because of uncertainties, like the ones I've been listing in this post (this unbelievably long post), which stem usually from a lack of understanding about what is most important to you.

I still don't know what I'm going to do, whether I'll quit or not, but at least once my shelves are built I will have the option to paint at home again, and that's really what matters. It is the first step to reminding myself that my skills have not suffered during this break, and that I can take control of my time and make something happen with it.

So, to sum up, the next time you're stressed because you're in a loop, just do something. Anything. Organize your thoughts. Build yourself some shelves.

Thanks for reading,

-R