Bad bosses. We all have them.
I mean, does anyone really like their boss? Mine is particular can be a real nose job. Like a Grade A Chudmonster. Seriously. This guy is the worst. He has his good moments but as I'm sure we all know, it's not to be trusted.
So today's lesson is pretty simple: How to leave work at work. It does not belong at home.
I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I'm generally sort of ok, but mostly spend my time feeling battered and bruised from work, and actually ended up phoning a therapist the other day (they should have THAT as an option on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, amIright?) because I was so debilitatingly depressed over my situation.
It was seriously awful. I cried every time I was alone, and clung to my Season 4 of Modern Family to get me peacefully through until the next, dreaded morning. Not a healthy way to live.
Then I finally hit my wall and told all my colleagues I was going to just f*!@-ing quit, without another job to fall into, because my sanity just couldn't take it anymore. I almost did, a number of times last week.
In preparation for this quitting fiesta, I began freezing my boss out. It was exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as trying to keep happy at the workplace. I honestly really don't enjoy what I do, but it's not the worst job in the world, so I've been gritting my teeth and doing it for about 8 months now.
Freezing him out was a good move. It allowed me to keep my distance, stick only to work-related tasks, and protect my sanity. No reaction from me = no ammunition to continue abusing me. It was perfect, albeit a little immature. The truth is though, that I don't have to be friends with my boss. I just have to do my tasks and go home.
Then, I read this tiny, miniscule, adorable little article online about a catfish. He had tried to eat a basketball and in so doing, got it stuck in his open mouth. A retired man found the catfish totally exhausted from trying to dive but being brought back to the surface by the basketball over and over again. The man tried to remove it from the fish's mouth but couldn't do so without hurting him. So, he called over his wife who used an exacto knife to cut and then deflate the ball, safely removing it and freeing the fish of his burden. He tiredly and dazedly swam away, down to the bottom of the river where he could eat good things again.
The end of the article had a quote: " treat everyone with more kindness than necessary, because they are dealing with problems you know nothing about". I then realized that that was the case for everyone I work with. My boss, the grumpy clients, the a*hole delivery people, the jerks who won't do anything on your schedule, they're all like that because someone else was like that to them. But why should I continue the chain? I shouldn't. I've got my own stuff at home, and it's a lot more enjoyable when I don't bring home other people's bad moods with me.
It's never, NEVER, personal. After freezing out my boss and then realizing he probably had no idea he was being such a thundercloud, he actually started to treat me better. He gave me a compliment, said something I had done was "perfect", and even tried to get me to smile at a funny picture he'd found online, all while maintaining a perfectly acceptable level of professionalism at the office. Today he started to get grumpy again so I backed off and withdrew, and instantly he knew that I was going into self-preservation mode because of him.
There's no need at work to openly show your emotions. At all. But! If you have the option to withdraw them and let yourself just become a machine, people will respond. Have you ever noticed how a dog will instantly do everything possible to get your attention when you turn your back on them? It works the same way for children. It works the same way for bullies, of any age. No attention is the only kind they can't stand, and the only thing that makes them self-reflect. It's not immature, it's not unprofessional. Are you there to make friends? No. You are there to do your job and do it well and sometimes that does mean making friends, but often it means treating people with respect. Respect is when you take their requests seriously, and you don't give them your honest opinion.
That is the secret.
Then go home and make a comic about them being a giant ball of poop and post it online without any names or indication of who it is. You're the only one who needs to know that.
Do you feel better? Yeah, me neither, but I'm going to teach yoga now so life can't be that bad, right? Count your blessings, and treat them preciously. They're what you go home to, so keep them bright in your mind.
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