Changing Lanes

Good Morning All,

How are things with you today? Is everything going according to plan?

Do you even have a plan?

Yeah, me neither. Big surprise, this has been another seriously disappointing day.

I woke up really stressed, knowing I had to come into work, and knowing it was going to be awful... do you ever get that? Where you just know you can't handle what you're in for? It's so exhausting and terrible and just... all-round no fun whatsoever. I kind of want to throw myself off of a cliff. It's too much to do today, and there is too long of a wait before I get to move away.

Germany is a go. I got my ticket, and my Visa appointment is set. Now of course I found a job where I would have to stay in Toronto for a month longer than I had anticipated, but it would be way more fun and I wouldn't want to shoot myself every day. Is it worth it? I'll have to check with my partner first, but I think it might be.

It's really scary though, because I'd be giving up my great paycheque, and possibly also not getting paid anything for a couple of weeks while I got trained properly, but it could be such a great opportunity, and it's the only thing I actually want to do. Like, seriously, the ONLY thing that feels like it'll be any amount of fun whatsoever.

I'm so, so, incredibly bad at planning my life, it's ridiculous. I am the most unreliable person I know, and I'm constantly terrified of making the wrong choice. I just need to get to Germany and get the hell out of here. I can handle living on a couch for two months, that is not a big deal. Not at all. I just hope he understands...

Also it ruins my savings plan entirely. Why do I do this to myself?

You ever think that way? It sucks, right? What the hell am I doing. Oh right, following my passion, I forgot.