Wednesday, 19 August 2015
Changing Lanes
Good Morning All,
How are things with you today? Is everything going according to plan?
Do you even have a plan?
Yeah, me neither. Big surprise, this has been another seriously disappointing day.
I woke up really stressed, knowing I had to come into work, and knowing it was going to be awful... do you ever get that? Where you just know you can't handle what you're in for? It's so exhausting and terrible and just... all-round no fun whatsoever. I kind of want to throw myself off of a cliff. It's too much to do today, and there is too long of a wait before I get to move away.
Germany is a go. I got my ticket, and my Visa appointment is set. Now of course I found a job where I would have to stay in Toronto for a month longer than I had anticipated, but it would be way more fun and I wouldn't want to shoot myself every day. Is it worth it? I'll have to check with my partner first, but I think it might be.
It's really scary though, because I'd be giving up my great paycheque, and possibly also not getting paid anything for a couple of weeks while I got trained properly, but it could be such a great opportunity, and it's the only thing I actually want to do. Like, seriously, the ONLY thing that feels like it'll be any amount of fun whatsoever.
I'm so, so, incredibly bad at planning my life, it's ridiculous. I am the most unreliable person I know, and I'm constantly terrified of making the wrong choice. I just need to get to Germany and get the hell out of here. I can handle living on a couch for two months, that is not a big deal. Not at all. I just hope he understands...
Also it ruins my savings plan entirely. Why do I do this to myself?
You ever think that way? It sucks, right? What the hell am I doing. Oh right, following my passion, I forgot.
How are things with you today? Is everything going according to plan?
Do you even have a plan?
Yeah, me neither. Big surprise, this has been another seriously disappointing day.
I woke up really stressed, knowing I had to come into work, and knowing it was going to be awful... do you ever get that? Where you just know you can't handle what you're in for? It's so exhausting and terrible and just... all-round no fun whatsoever. I kind of want to throw myself off of a cliff. It's too much to do today, and there is too long of a wait before I get to move away.
Germany is a go. I got my ticket, and my Visa appointment is set. Now of course I found a job where I would have to stay in Toronto for a month longer than I had anticipated, but it would be way more fun and I wouldn't want to shoot myself every day. Is it worth it? I'll have to check with my partner first, but I think it might be.
It's really scary though, because I'd be giving up my great paycheque, and possibly also not getting paid anything for a couple of weeks while I got trained properly, but it could be such a great opportunity, and it's the only thing I actually want to do. Like, seriously, the ONLY thing that feels like it'll be any amount of fun whatsoever.
I'm so, so, incredibly bad at planning my life, it's ridiculous. I am the most unreliable person I know, and I'm constantly terrified of making the wrong choice. I just need to get to Germany and get the hell out of here. I can handle living on a couch for two months, that is not a big deal. Not at all. I just hope he understands...
Also it ruins my savings plan entirely. Why do I do this to myself?
You ever think that way? It sucks, right? What the hell am I doing. Oh right, following my passion, I forgot.
Everyone Likes A Quitter
I'm quitting.
Nothing has ever felt so good.
Oh. Dear. God. I am so happy to be quitting.
I'm quitting my job and this is possibly the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. Doesn't matter that I won't get a regular paycheque, doesn't matter that it'll be a little lean around here for a while, none of it matters. I got lots to fall back on, and have a huge amount of respect for all of my fallback options. The only reason I ever walked away from the fallbacks was to pursue something new, and I made a point to never burn bridges. Thankfully, all my previous employers have been incredibly supportive, and all supported my decisions to go forward, knowing full well that I would be back at some point. I don't like to string people along if I'm not serious, so... I haven't been. But it's time to cash in. It's seriously time.
When I walked in this morning, my boss immediately jumped into a list of things I'd done wrong the day before and reprimanded me for not knowing the details of laminated glass - I've been here for 7 months, and we don't even work with laminated glass, so how the hell am I supposed to know? I asked him about it yesterday, sent his answer on to the people who were asking, and then got in trouble for having not properly asked or answered the question. I stated word-for-word what the question had been, and replied word-for-word the answer, and still this is my fault? Clearly I don't belong here.
This workplace is insanely abusive, I would recommend to everyone to just get out now if you're feeling like I do. If you're feel beaten down, stupid, pathetic, and like you have no marketable skills, get out. Get out right now. You need to, trust me.
I have written my formal letter of resignation and have it ready to send on Friday. I am done, soooooooooo done. I told my roommate, and I know we'll have to figure out how we'll pay for things, but hey, we'll work it out. It's not scary anymore. Just... I've had enough. So much enough! And I have so much to live for too - it's not worth staying here and being miserable. Not even a little tiny bit. I hate everything about this place and I'm going to be less able to work later when I'm exhausted and depressed. Not worth it. Not at all.
I think someone hsould make a drinking game out of the number of time I've said how not worth it this is. you'd be plastered already.
Another thing - my boss is really sexist. He only bullies me and my female co-worker, but no one else. This is an unsupporting environment, not to mention it's quite unsafe. There are sharp things everywhere, stuff falls costantly, and there's no space to move anything. One call to WSIB and this place would be shut right down, which honestly it could really use. It would save us... like... a lot.
My mom, who is adorable and always looking out for us, called WSIB to report the safety concerns. She sent me the number to call to report unsafe work environments and I'm reeeeeally tempted to do so.
The installs are never safe, and are often done on scaffolding that is improperly constructed, waving side to side. There's stuff absolutely everywhere here, we can't safely move things around and we would all be crushed if there was ever an earthquake. The stairs are falling apart and are scary to walk on, and we have to navigate round low-hanging lights to get our ladders up high enough to get more supplies. Just the worst kind of environment you've ever seen.
Think I should call?
Nothing has ever felt so good.
Oh. Dear. God. I am so happy to be quitting.
I'm quitting my job and this is possibly the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. Doesn't matter that I won't get a regular paycheque, doesn't matter that it'll be a little lean around here for a while, none of it matters. I got lots to fall back on, and have a huge amount of respect for all of my fallback options. The only reason I ever walked away from the fallbacks was to pursue something new, and I made a point to never burn bridges. Thankfully, all my previous employers have been incredibly supportive, and all supported my decisions to go forward, knowing full well that I would be back at some point. I don't like to string people along if I'm not serious, so... I haven't been. But it's time to cash in. It's seriously time.
When I walked in this morning, my boss immediately jumped into a list of things I'd done wrong the day before and reprimanded me for not knowing the details of laminated glass - I've been here for 7 months, and we don't even work with laminated glass, so how the hell am I supposed to know? I asked him about it yesterday, sent his answer on to the people who were asking, and then got in trouble for having not properly asked or answered the question. I stated word-for-word what the question had been, and replied word-for-word the answer, and still this is my fault? Clearly I don't belong here.
This workplace is insanely abusive, I would recommend to everyone to just get out now if you're feeling like I do. If you're feel beaten down, stupid, pathetic, and like you have no marketable skills, get out. Get out right now. You need to, trust me.
I have written my formal letter of resignation and have it ready to send on Friday. I am done, soooooooooo done. I told my roommate, and I know we'll have to figure out how we'll pay for things, but hey, we'll work it out. It's not scary anymore. Just... I've had enough. So much enough! And I have so much to live for too - it's not worth staying here and being miserable. Not even a little tiny bit. I hate everything about this place and I'm going to be less able to work later when I'm exhausted and depressed. Not worth it. Not at all.
I think someone hsould make a drinking game out of the number of time I've said how not worth it this is. you'd be plastered already.
Another thing - my boss is really sexist. He only bullies me and my female co-worker, but no one else. This is an unsupporting environment, not to mention it's quite unsafe. There are sharp things everywhere, stuff falls costantly, and there's no space to move anything. One call to WSIB and this place would be shut right down, which honestly it could really use. It would save us... like... a lot.
My mom, who is adorable and always looking out for us, called WSIB to report the safety concerns. She sent me the number to call to report unsafe work environments and I'm reeeeeally tempted to do so.
The installs are never safe, and are often done on scaffolding that is improperly constructed, waving side to side. There's stuff absolutely everywhere here, we can't safely move things around and we would all be crushed if there was ever an earthquake. The stairs are falling apart and are scary to walk on, and we have to navigate round low-hanging lights to get our ladders up high enough to get more supplies. Just the worst kind of environment you've ever seen.
Think I should call?
Tuesday, 28 July 2015
You can't touch this
Bad bosses. We all have them.
I mean, does anyone really like their boss? Mine is particular can be a real nose job. Like a Grade A Chudmonster. Seriously. This guy is the worst. He has his good moments but as I'm sure we all know, it's not to be trusted.
So today's lesson is pretty simple: How to leave work at work. It does not belong at home.
I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I'm generally sort of ok, but mostly spend my time feeling battered and bruised from work, and actually ended up phoning a therapist the other day (they should have THAT as an option on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, amIright?) because I was so debilitatingly depressed over my situation.
It was seriously awful. I cried every time I was alone, and clung to my Season 4 of Modern Family to get me peacefully through until the next, dreaded morning. Not a healthy way to live.
Then I finally hit my wall and told all my colleagues I was going to just f*!@-ing quit, without another job to fall into, because my sanity just couldn't take it anymore. I almost did, a number of times last week.
In preparation for this quitting fiesta, I began freezing my boss out. It was exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as trying to keep happy at the workplace. I honestly really don't enjoy what I do, but it's not the worst job in the world, so I've been gritting my teeth and doing it for about 8 months now.
Freezing him out was a good move. It allowed me to keep my distance, stick only to work-related tasks, and protect my sanity. No reaction from me = no ammunition to continue abusing me. It was perfect, albeit a little immature. The truth is though, that I don't have to be friends with my boss. I just have to do my tasks and go home.
Then, I read this tiny, miniscule, adorable little article online about a catfish. He had tried to eat a basketball and in so doing, got it stuck in his open mouth. A retired man found the catfish totally exhausted from trying to dive but being brought back to the surface by the basketball over and over again. The man tried to remove it from the fish's mouth but couldn't do so without hurting him. So, he called over his wife who used an exacto knife to cut and then deflate the ball, safely removing it and freeing the fish of his burden. He tiredly and dazedly swam away, down to the bottom of the river where he could eat good things again.
The end of the article had a quote: " treat everyone with more kindness than necessary, because they are dealing with problems you know nothing about". I then realized that that was the case for everyone I work with. My boss, the grumpy clients, the a*hole delivery people, the jerks who won't do anything on your schedule, they're all like that because someone else was like that to them. But why should I continue the chain? I shouldn't. I've got my own stuff at home, and it's a lot more enjoyable when I don't bring home other people's bad moods with me.
It's never, NEVER, personal. After freezing out my boss and then realizing he probably had no idea he was being such a thundercloud, he actually started to treat me better. He gave me a compliment, said something I had done was "perfect", and even tried to get me to smile at a funny picture he'd found online, all while maintaining a perfectly acceptable level of professionalism at the office. Today he started to get grumpy again so I backed off and withdrew, and instantly he knew that I was going into self-preservation mode because of him.
There's no need at work to openly show your emotions. At all. But! If you have the option to withdraw them and let yourself just become a machine, people will respond. Have you ever noticed how a dog will instantly do everything possible to get your attention when you turn your back on them? It works the same way for children. It works the same way for bullies, of any age. No attention is the only kind they can't stand, and the only thing that makes them self-reflect. It's not immature, it's not unprofessional. Are you there to make friends? No. You are there to do your job and do it well and sometimes that does mean making friends, but often it means treating people with respect. Respect is when you take their requests seriously, and you don't give them your honest opinion.
That is the secret.
Then go home and make a comic about them being a giant ball of poop and post it online without any names or indication of who it is. You're the only one who needs to know that.
Do you feel better? Yeah, me neither, but I'm going to teach yoga now so life can't be that bad, right? Count your blessings, and treat them preciously. They're what you go home to, so keep them bright in your mind.
I mean, does anyone really like their boss? Mine is particular can be a real nose job. Like a Grade A Chudmonster. Seriously. This guy is the worst. He has his good moments but as I'm sure we all know, it's not to be trusted.
So today's lesson is pretty simple: How to leave work at work. It does not belong at home.
I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I'm generally sort of ok, but mostly spend my time feeling battered and bruised from work, and actually ended up phoning a therapist the other day (they should have THAT as an option on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, amIright?) because I was so debilitatingly depressed over my situation.
It was seriously awful. I cried every time I was alone, and clung to my Season 4 of Modern Family to get me peacefully through until the next, dreaded morning. Not a healthy way to live.
Then I finally hit my wall and told all my colleagues I was going to just f*!@-ing quit, without another job to fall into, because my sanity just couldn't take it anymore. I almost did, a number of times last week.
In preparation for this quitting fiesta, I began freezing my boss out. It was exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as trying to keep happy at the workplace. I honestly really don't enjoy what I do, but it's not the worst job in the world, so I've been gritting my teeth and doing it for about 8 months now.
Freezing him out was a good move. It allowed me to keep my distance, stick only to work-related tasks, and protect my sanity. No reaction from me = no ammunition to continue abusing me. It was perfect, albeit a little immature. The truth is though, that I don't have to be friends with my boss. I just have to do my tasks and go home.
Then, I read this tiny, miniscule, adorable little article online about a catfish. He had tried to eat a basketball and in so doing, got it stuck in his open mouth. A retired man found the catfish totally exhausted from trying to dive but being brought back to the surface by the basketball over and over again. The man tried to remove it from the fish's mouth but couldn't do so without hurting him. So, he called over his wife who used an exacto knife to cut and then deflate the ball, safely removing it and freeing the fish of his burden. He tiredly and dazedly swam away, down to the bottom of the river where he could eat good things again.
The end of the article had a quote: " treat everyone with more kindness than necessary, because they are dealing with problems you know nothing about". I then realized that that was the case for everyone I work with. My boss, the grumpy clients, the a*hole delivery people, the jerks who won't do anything on your schedule, they're all like that because someone else was like that to them. But why should I continue the chain? I shouldn't. I've got my own stuff at home, and it's a lot more enjoyable when I don't bring home other people's bad moods with me.
It's never, NEVER, personal. After freezing out my boss and then realizing he probably had no idea he was being such a thundercloud, he actually started to treat me better. He gave me a compliment, said something I had done was "perfect", and even tried to get me to smile at a funny picture he'd found online, all while maintaining a perfectly acceptable level of professionalism at the office. Today he started to get grumpy again so I backed off and withdrew, and instantly he knew that I was going into self-preservation mode because of him.
There's no need at work to openly show your emotions. At all. But! If you have the option to withdraw them and let yourself just become a machine, people will respond. Have you ever noticed how a dog will instantly do everything possible to get your attention when you turn your back on them? It works the same way for children. It works the same way for bullies, of any age. No attention is the only kind they can't stand, and the only thing that makes them self-reflect. It's not immature, it's not unprofessional. Are you there to make friends? No. You are there to do your job and do it well and sometimes that does mean making friends, but often it means treating people with respect. Respect is when you take their requests seriously, and you don't give them your honest opinion.
That is the secret.
Then go home and make a comic about them being a giant ball of poop and post it online without any names or indication of who it is. You're the only one who needs to know that.
Do you feel better? Yeah, me neither, but I'm going to teach yoga now so life can't be that bad, right? Count your blessings, and treat them preciously. They're what you go home to, so keep them bright in your mind.
Friday, 19 June 2015
Horrible Clients
Anyone every work Customer Service? Ever wanted to just hide in a corner until the end of time after work - or heck, right in the middle of work?
Yeah, me too.
Today, every client who called wanted to yell at or about me for no reason. Two people didn't want to pay for the work we had done, one person said I hadn't been "cooperating" (by not returning people's calls... calls that we actually never got. Why in the world would I just not return calls? Oh, right, because I hate getting paid. Forgot. Yeah right.), and one who wanted to yell because apparently calling to follow up on a design is "not nice". For real. "Not nice". He said that probably about 11 times, then I finally asked if I could please speak freely and told him we didn't mean any disrespect and were in fact trying to make his life easier and under no circumstances would call him again.
What did I learn? People are completely unaware of how they affect others.
Often times when people call and yell, the truth is that something else is stressful for them. Maybe they're having problems at home. Maybe they're worried about money.
Yeah, me too.
Today, every client who called wanted to yell at or about me for no reason. Two people didn't want to pay for the work we had done, one person said I hadn't been "cooperating" (by not returning people's calls... calls that we actually never got. Why in the world would I just not return calls? Oh, right, because I hate getting paid. Forgot. Yeah right.), and one who wanted to yell because apparently calling to follow up on a design is "not nice". For real. "Not nice". He said that probably about 11 times, then I finally asked if I could please speak freely and told him we didn't mean any disrespect and were in fact trying to make his life easier and under no circumstances would call him again.
What did I learn? People are completely unaware of how they affect others.
Often times when people call and yell, the truth is that something else is stressful for them. Maybe they're having problems at home. Maybe they're worried about money.
Or maybe they just can't help feeling blue.
But the truth of the matter is that no matter how grumpy they are, you always, always have to do one thing:
Fucking stand up for yourself.
And you know what? If you cry afterwards, that's ok. If you need to go rant to everyone around you about how unbelievably stupid people are, that's ok. If you need to write a whole bunch of scathing, nasty, unforgiveable notes in their file to warn everyone, that's ok. As long as while you're speaking with them, you fucking defend yourself.
I had to do it multiple times today, and by the end of the day, I was sick to death of two words: "I'm sorry". Yeah, you are, and I have to be too because I represent this company, but mostly I'm sorry that you have such a lack of control that you can't help but take out your anger on some unsuspecting soul who is just trying to do their job with a smile.
After all the yelling, I got pretty upset, beat myself up a little, then remembered (with a lot of help from an awesome colleague) that I'm a badass. I defended myself and my whole company against five giant dick bags today, and I won. I'm moving to Germany in December, that's huge. I moved to Argentina for four months, got fired, moved while I was there, found a new (and better) job, and madeout with a long lost love, all before I was twenty. I went to school in a town I barely knew and made a name for myself. I'm living in a big city, proving every day that you totally can make a life for yourself before you're twenty-five. Even so, I know for sure I didn't do this alone, and even better, I know I'll never have to.
I am so lucky. We are all so lucky. We have friends who love us, and friends who will support us, and people who will stick by you when you stand up for yourself and get in trouble for it, and who will defend you those times that you can't. I was picked on a lot as a kid, and to this day I can hear a lot of different voices saying "you gotta toughen up" "you can't defend yourself" "you're hopeless", etc, countered by "why are you so defensive? " "you know you've got kind of an unnecessary temper" "whoa, whoa, relax, I'm just sayin'...". Do you hear those too? People pick on you?
Fuck those guys. Stick with people who stick with you and who will fight alongside you when you're strong, and fight for you when you're weak. And remember to be that person too, because that in itself makes you stronger.
Also don't forget, work is only temporary, it doesn't have to be who you are. You'd be surprised how loved you feel when you express how miserable you are. You might even have a boss who listens, says nothing, disappears, then twenty minutes later arrives with surprise ice cream to make you feel better. Everybody has bad days. It usually means you're trying too hard, so give yourself a break. You deserve it!
The bad in the world brings out the good in your friends. We're all very, very lucky.
-R
Monday, 15 June 2015
The Tidal Waves
That song "Waves" by Robin Schulz really speaks to me right now. Wave after wave is right... and the waves endlessly keep on coming.
Today is a big-ass wave. I found a job posting for a wicked good job at a hospital, working with kids in rehabilitation - this is perfect for me! It's a puppetry job, so it fully requires all of the skills I acquired doing my undergrad degree, plus the skills I am trying to hone for my Master's in Counselling Psychology.
Paid work that's relevant? Uhm, yes please! The next step in this direction would be to update my resume, have it edited, and send it along in the hopes that I am what they're looking for.
Additionally, I was just hired for a trial shift with a very high profile Events company here in the city. My first day is what I'm waiting for - they pay almost as much as I make now as a starting wage, and their staff is very friendly and so much fun. I did a lot of events during school and in many of my previous jobs and honestly have missed the interactions with people, as well as the running around it provides. Exercising at work has got to be one of my favourite passtimes!
Today is a big-ass wave. I found a job posting for a wicked good job at a hospital, working with kids in rehabilitation - this is perfect for me! It's a puppetry job, so it fully requires all of the skills I acquired doing my undergrad degree, plus the skills I am trying to hone for my Master's in Counselling Psychology.
Paid work that's relevant? Uhm, yes please! The next step in this direction would be to update my resume, have it edited, and send it along in the hopes that I am what they're looking for.
Additionally, I was just hired for a trial shift with a very high profile Events company here in the city. My first day is what I'm waiting for - they pay almost as much as I make now as a starting wage, and their staff is very friendly and so much fun. I did a lot of events during school and in many of my previous jobs and honestly have missed the interactions with people, as well as the running around it provides. Exercising at work has got to be one of my favourite passtimes!
Although, chillin' is ok too
The tricky thing for me right now is finding something that will pay for me to move to Europe. There is nothing I want more in the whole world than to be able to hang out with my amazing boyfriend in Germany, starting in December. The two of us are a great team, and we're much stronger when we can be together. When I went to visit in May, I was surprised and delighted at how easy it was for us to be in sync, even after having been apart for so long. He was impressed at how quickly I made friends, and how much more German I was trying while I was there.
Although you would never guess, I'm a very shy person when it comes to speaking other languages. Something about saying it wrong, or being told the wrong translation, really impedes me so I'm reluctant to make myself vulnerable. Being in Germany was awesome for that, because I had no choice but to trust him. He totally came through for me without any hesitation, and wanted me to come back the second I left.
So yes, that is the plan. At this point, I am unsure about what the pay will be, which is a problem for staying in Germany longer, but it's still definitely worth applying. Besides, if the other job works out, then I'm all set, right? You'd think... but those tidal waves of anxiety, followed by exhausted calm, keep rolling in unexpectedly and they can be hard to weather. Most of this stress comes to people my age through their employment opportunities
Employment opportunities create a one wave, the all or nothing wave, which then creates the stress. It's often feast or famine, especially when you're undergoing a career change. If you're anything like me and you are doing one thing but really want to be doing another, just keep your eyes open. Something, at some point, will pop up that encompasses both what you do and what you want to do. When that happens, just take it! Ride the wave right into the harbour of your dream job and set up camp immediately when you get there.
Also: Don't get trapped. If you're trapped something, the wave won't have the ability to free you. That is not something you want. Get out from behind the rock, descend the tree, unlock the cage. Do whatever you need to do, but most importantly, ride the waves you seek. Surfing is way easier than you think.
-R
Tuesday, 9 June 2015
Let's Begin
Are you stressed? I sure am.
If you're anything like me, you worry. About everything.
This blog is going to be a huge tornado of the worries that plague us in everyday life, and how I am attempting to weather the storm without wasting time, and while forcibly staying calm. Hopefully as you read, you will find techniques to help you with your stress. I, for one, hope that whatever stress you feel, it is less manageable and temporary. If you don't believe it is, just remind yourself of what Yoda said all those years ago. Those immortal words that are forever true, forever comforting:
"This, too, shall pass"
"Wise all I say is"
Today's exploration of stress will focus on a problem many of us have...
BEING STUCK IN A LOOP
I hate my job.
Do you hate your job? Do you wake up in morning, dreading work, wishing you could be anywhere else but dragging yourself there before you have to pay the bills somehow? I sure do.
I went to school for Theatre Tech which at the time made perfect sense to me. I've always been really artsy, kind of dramatic, very sensitive and addicted to physical activity over pretty much anything else. It seemed like a slam dunk for me.
For four years I was happier than a chinchilla in a dust bath as I blasted through the system, making toy boxes, painting sets, dealing with actors, and basically loving life as a scenic painter in training. Life was good and fruitful and positive, right up until about 6 months after graduation.
First job: Working in a factory-like Halloween park hating my life. We got no respect and were paid significantly less than a living wage. At the end of that I decided to learn more about business administration and got a job as an administrative assistant at a specialized artisan shop in the city... where I am now. Paperwork is so not my thing...
Here are the problems:
1) I gotta pay my bills, so I can't just quit.
2) I'm moving to Germany in December, so now is not the time for something new
3) I need money to move to Germany, so I gotta keep something that pays well.
Here are the pros:
1)I have a degree in scenic painting and am part of the local Film Technicians Union, so I should be able to get work.
2) I have some great references for scenic painting and it hasn't been that long since my last job, therefore my skills are still good.
3) If I do this, I will have a much better chance of getting a job in Germany, working for their tv network. Supposedly I know someone with a connection there...
3) Everyone is very supportive and believes in me.
4) It's super casual, so when I don't want to work, I don't work.
5) Once you're in, you're in.
6) I may have an in with an event staffing company which is such a fun job. For those of you who have never worked events, it's essentially serving but with a fixed menu, and you move around from venue to venue. It's a lot of fun, and requires you to act like a psychologist which is going in the right direction.
7) I wouldn't go to work every day feeling like I was wasting my life, and honestly probably not doing a very good job.
Here are the cons:
1) I don't want to be a scenic painter forever, but rather go back to school for counselling psychology.
2) If I don't do this (quit and try to work for the union) I may lose my one trade I can do and be forced to do nothing, or paperwork, forever.
3) If I quit an risk everything, I may not have the money to go to Germany or go back to school.
So. I am stuck in a loop. Also, I pay for all of my own stuff and just got shelves for my apartment, so I am terrified to lose what I've built. At this point though, I really only have five months to worry about until I leave for Germany, and I can always pay for school later. School will always be there, but my sanity may not be.
TODAYS SOLUTION:
1) Build the shelves.
Yes. That is my solution. Upon writing all this down, I realized one thing: I am stuck in a perpetual loop of not moving forward because I fear the unknown road ahead. I have had these shelves for a week now, after saying I wanted them for six months. The only reason they aren't together is because I feel as though I'm moving tomorrow and I don't want to be stuck. Once my stuff is unpacked, I won't feel that way anymore. Once my stuff is unpacked, I'll actually be able to see what I have which will let me see what I don't need, which will allow me to prepare for life 6 months from now.
If I move out, I can rent my room as "furnished". Bonus.
If I get kicked out, I can make some money back by selling my furniture. Bonus.
If I stay, I'll be comfortable. Bonus.
It will allow me to actually be organized in my room, which will most definitely help me organize my thoughts. Bonus.
I will make more art because I can see my materials. Bonus.
It will challenge this loop I'm in. The Goal.
The most important thing to remember when you're dealing with a loop is that no matter what you do, if it is different than what you've been doing, it will begin to break the loop. In many circumstances we find ourselves stuck in loops because of uncertainties, like the ones I've been listing in this post (this unbelievably long post), which stem usually from a lack of understanding about what is most important to you.
I still don't know what I'm going to do, whether I'll quit or not, but at least once my shelves are built I will have the option to paint at home again, and that's really what matters. It is the first step to reminding myself that my skills have not suffered during this break, and that I can take control of my time and make something happen with it.
So, to sum up, the next time you're stressed because you're in a loop, just do something. Anything. Organize your thoughts. Build yourself some shelves.
Thanks for reading,
-R
If you're anything like me, you worry. About everything.
This blog is going to be a huge tornado of the worries that plague us in everyday life, and how I am attempting to weather the storm without wasting time, and while forcibly staying calm. Hopefully as you read, you will find techniques to help you with your stress. I, for one, hope that whatever stress you feel, it is less manageable and temporary. If you don't believe it is, just remind yourself of what Yoda said all those years ago. Those immortal words that are forever true, forever comforting:
"This, too, shall pass"
"Wise all I say is"
Today's exploration of stress will focus on a problem many of us have...
BEING STUCK IN A LOOP
I hate my job.
Do you hate your job? Do you wake up in morning, dreading work, wishing you could be anywhere else but dragging yourself there before you have to pay the bills somehow? I sure do.
I went to school for Theatre Tech which at the time made perfect sense to me. I've always been really artsy, kind of dramatic, very sensitive and addicted to physical activity over pretty much anything else. It seemed like a slam dunk for me.
For four years I was happier than a chinchilla in a dust bath as I blasted through the system, making toy boxes, painting sets, dealing with actors, and basically loving life as a scenic painter in training. Life was good and fruitful and positive, right up until about 6 months after graduation.
First job: Working in a factory-like Halloween park hating my life. We got no respect and were paid significantly less than a living wage. At the end of that I decided to learn more about business administration and got a job as an administrative assistant at a specialized artisan shop in the city... where I am now. Paperwork is so not my thing...
Here are the problems:
1) I gotta pay my bills, so I can't just quit.
2) I'm moving to Germany in December, so now is not the time for something new
3) I need money to move to Germany, so I gotta keep something that pays well.
Here are the pros:
1)I have a degree in scenic painting and am part of the local Film Technicians Union, so I should be able to get work.
2) I have some great references for scenic painting and it hasn't been that long since my last job, therefore my skills are still good.
3) If I do this, I will have a much better chance of getting a job in Germany, working for their tv network. Supposedly I know someone with a connection there...
3) Everyone is very supportive and believes in me.
4) It's super casual, so when I don't want to work, I don't work.
5) Once you're in, you're in.
6) I may have an in with an event staffing company which is such a fun job. For those of you who have never worked events, it's essentially serving but with a fixed menu, and you move around from venue to venue. It's a lot of fun, and requires you to act like a psychologist which is going in the right direction.
7) I wouldn't go to work every day feeling like I was wasting my life, and honestly probably not doing a very good job.
Here are the cons:
1) I don't want to be a scenic painter forever, but rather go back to school for counselling psychology.
2) If I don't do this (quit and try to work for the union) I may lose my one trade I can do and be forced to do nothing, or paperwork, forever.
3) If I quit an risk everything, I may not have the money to go to Germany or go back to school.
So. I am stuck in a loop. Also, I pay for all of my own stuff and just got shelves for my apartment, so I am terrified to lose what I've built. At this point though, I really only have five months to worry about until I leave for Germany, and I can always pay for school later. School will always be there, but my sanity may not be.
TODAYS SOLUTION:
1) Build the shelves.
Yes. That is my solution. Upon writing all this down, I realized one thing: I am stuck in a perpetual loop of not moving forward because I fear the unknown road ahead. I have had these shelves for a week now, after saying I wanted them for six months. The only reason they aren't together is because I feel as though I'm moving tomorrow and I don't want to be stuck. Once my stuff is unpacked, I won't feel that way anymore. Once my stuff is unpacked, I'll actually be able to see what I have which will let me see what I don't need, which will allow me to prepare for life 6 months from now.
If I move out, I can rent my room as "furnished". Bonus.
If I get kicked out, I can make some money back by selling my furniture. Bonus.
If I stay, I'll be comfortable. Bonus.
It will allow me to actually be organized in my room, which will most definitely help me organize my thoughts. Bonus.
I will make more art because I can see my materials. Bonus.
It will challenge this loop I'm in. The Goal.
The most important thing to remember when you're dealing with a loop is that no matter what you do, if it is different than what you've been doing, it will begin to break the loop. In many circumstances we find ourselves stuck in loops because of uncertainties, like the ones I've been listing in this post (this unbelievably long post), which stem usually from a lack of understanding about what is most important to you.
I still don't know what I'm going to do, whether I'll quit or not, but at least once my shelves are built I will have the option to paint at home again, and that's really what matters. It is the first step to reminding myself that my skills have not suffered during this break, and that I can take control of my time and make something happen with it.
So, to sum up, the next time you're stressed because you're in a loop, just do something. Anything. Organize your thoughts. Build yourself some shelves.
Thanks for reading,
-R
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